Thank Buddha, It’s Spring: Brides Who Means Business

People tend to develop a particularly nasty strand of tourettes when it comes to other peoples Weddings. You just can’t help yourself but judge the happiest day of a Bride that obviously felt close enough to you to invite your bitchy ass to her big day. You might be thinking, oh well my wedding was so thoughtful, and my friends are too kind…Wrong. There is someone at every wedding picking it into sentimental shreds. That is why I love Brides Who Mean Business.

She tells you exactly what your mean Aunt Wendy is saying behind your back. Except unlike Wendy in all her bitter, middle aged, singleton bitterness, BWMB is hilarious. For her Thank Buddha, It’s Spring post BWMB is going to try to help you avoid Aunt Wendy’s ire. Listen up.

Best and Worst of Spring Weddings

Spring is almost here! We all know what that means…flowers blooming, birds singing…love is in the air. More importantly for BridesWhoMeanBusiness, it means wedding season! Save-the-Dates have been piling up on our refrigerators for months, and soon enough, we will all have to attend a wedding.

If you’re lucky enough to be a guest at a spring wedding, here is a list of details to be on the lookout for. These will help you judge the success of the event, and the taste level of the newlyweds. Don’t pretend you’re above it; we know you can’t wait to pick apart the bridesmaids dresses and centerpieces!

Oh, and if you’re a bride looking ahead to your own event, well, let’s hope its not too late to do some last minute editing…

Worst of Spring Weddings

1) Pastels Done Wrong (aka “lavender!”): The worst thing about spring weddings is that too often, the color palette was designed by a six-year-old with the help of the friggin Easter Bunny. Go ahead, call it lilac, lavender, sweet pea…whatever… it all boils down to the same thing: childish, passé, and forgettable. No one looks good in pale purple. Pale purple is atrocious.

I’ve been to this same wedding 97 times. See above.

The other major pastel issue is with the bridal attire itself. Now, we’re not saying that you must wear white to show your grandmother that you’ve still got your V-card, because that would be prescriptive and old-fashioned. But we are saying that you have to wear all white.

2) Old-School Rose Bouquets: There is a time and place for these old classics. And that time and place was the mid to late nineties. Seriously, can we all agree to be done with pink roses and stephanotis?

3) Calla Lilies and Daisies (gerber and regular): Calla lilies are just too fucking long. Sorry people. They’re not simple and elegant. They’re weird, vaguely sexual cups. And daisies? Really? If you’re getting married in April or May and you choose Gerber daisies as your flower so everyone knows how “fun” and “whimsical” you are, you have missed a HUGE opportunity to do something great with your wedding.

I just can’t deal with how not-symmetric these things are.

4) Putting your groom in a pink vest: Don’t do it, ladies. Don’t put him in that position. If he agrees, your awful fashion sense is the least of your problems.

FAIL.

5) Fruit, as a Theme: Food is not a centerpiece. If you put fruit in the middle of the table, we’re going to fucking eat it. End of story.

Those lemons held up well…

Best of Spring Weddings

1) Pastels Done Right: Don’t get us wrong, pastels ARE NOT off limits. Pastels can be STUNNING if done correctly (sadly, this is rare). Take notes.

PINK!

YELLOW!

GREEN!

2) Flower Details Done Right: To all you spring brides who read the bit about daisies and calla lilies above and thought, “Jesus Christ, now what?!” We give to you, the anemone, the violet, and the ranunculus. You’re welcome.

3) Birds: Nothing says springtime like birds. If they’re not overdone and put on everything (from the table to the invites to the cake) our avian friends can be a great, sparingly used, unifying theme. Birds are cute for the shower too and are a not-too-overly-creepy symbol of fertility

And some fine-feathered cake toppers…

4) Botanical, letterpress invites: OK, listen. You know how your bridesmaid told you that you could buy a computer program and use your printer to make invitations… and that they will be “just like” the expensive ones? And how that same person said, “no one cares about paper quality”? Yeah, well that person is not your real friend.

When it comes to showing up other people’s weddings, few details matter more than having gorgeous, botanical-themed, letter-pressed invitations. It almost doesn’t even matter what color and image you choose.

5) Centerpieces: Less is more. The days of towering centerpieces that prevent your guests from speaking or even seeing one another are over. We prefer understated elegance with a touch of personality. Centerpieces should enhance the tone of your wedding, not overshadow it. Think bud vases.

6) Using neutrals in a fresh way: Spring weddings don’t have to mean pink. They don’t have to mean lemon grass on the tables and they don’t have to throw Jordan Almonds on every flat surface in sight because it’s going to give them babies within the first year. Spring weddings can and should use neutrals in beautiful, modern, and thoughtful ways.

Bottom line, spring weddings can be gorgeous! An exquisitely crafted color palette, full of unique and surprising seasonal details, will set a spring wedding apart. Beware of the matchy-matchy. Beware of the misguided use of pink. And don’t let words like classic and traditional confuse you. Follow the rules above and set new spring wedding standards! Those bitchy friends of yours will be so jealous!

Word.

Head over to Brides Who Mean Business to hear it like it is on such subjects as Heirloom Rings, Nautical Beach Weddings, Mid-Summer’s Night Dream themes (my personal favorite), and other potential wedding blunders.