McCarthy’s Get Mawwied: From the guests perspective…

Two days into our honeymoon, this amazing gem was posted as a note on Facebook by one of Pete’s good friends Will Hettinger who is actually a comedy writer in L.A. Besides being one of my new favorite people I have met during our time in Chicago, I thought he summed things up pretty perfectly and I felt it my duty to share his perspective on the matter.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Will Hettinger(The  handsome gent on the left)

Wow, what a weekend. Or, more specifically, what a night.

There is a new member of the McCarthy clan, Bailey, and her addition to their already formidable ranks is kind of like adding Mark to the Wahlberg family; Are you seriously giving this away? I mean, I love it, but you already had me at Donnie (Peter).

It’s awesome to attend a wedding where everyone has a shared awareness that the ceremony isn’t the culmination, but the beginning, because Peter and Bailey (Donnie and Mark) are as well suited for a wonderful life together as anyone could be. God has excellent taste. If He had a blog, Bailey would totally link it up.

To begin with, Aspen is unreal. That’s not true. It is real. (Some of our friends on a hike the day before the wedding)

But, from the changing leaves, the perfect weather, and the surplus of opportunities to have a great time, it’s hard to imagine a better place for a wedding weekend.

I’m bummed to have missed Thursday’s “Cowboy” party, because I had planned to fill my pockets to the brim with cocaine and come as former Dallas wide receiver Michael Irvin. When I’ve got a pocket full of blow, you literally cannot tell us apart.

No jokes about the ceremony itself. Incredible. The string quartet was perfect, the officiant had just the right tone, and the readings were great. I think there’s an important difference between being happy for your friends, and being happy with them. Congratulations to the both of you (Bailey and Donnie) on creating an atmosphere, through your love, where the joy was literally in the air. Actually, some joy got in my eye, and I misted up a little when Bailey was walking down the hill. It was joy, okay? I have an allergy. Whatever Kevin; I saw you fighting back tears too. Anne Petree as a groomswoman was fantastic. Anne; Alex* wanted me to tell you that he “Just can’t.” Don’t know what that means, but I say: good riddance. Give me a call tonight and we’ll talk all about it. Seriously… call me…

*Editors note: Alex is Anne’s amazing boyfriend, but that does very little to abate Will’s everlasting love for her

Cocktail hour, amidst growing curiosity of just what/who/how was in the main tent, was a great opportunity for everyone to say, in different terms and expressions, “Whoa”. To the decoration and attention to detail; yeah. To the beautiful spread in Aspen that we were fortunate enough to be invited to; also yeah.
But most of all, to how perfectly the ceremony matched Bailey and Peter. Classy, sincere, and impressive; the result of great effort without any messy effort stains. Cocktail hour for me was spent catching up with friends, enjoying the scenery of the ranch, and wrestling with my conscience over whether or not to write “A Battlefield” on one of the “Love is…” cards.
Ultimately, I didn’t. Will that prove to be the correct decision? Only time will tell.

As for the tent itself, I haven’t had the feeling of, “Oh, man, I hope the real Will Hettinger doesn’t show up and blow my cover!” so badly since the last time I was backstage with Billy Joel, but that’s a story that I haven’t made up yet.

The decision to mix the tables with both Bailey and Peter’s friends together was a great idea, and we all had the opportunity to to meet new folks, who would ultimately become the people we slapped on the shoulder on our way to the bar, the people that we danced with/at, and the people who’s conversations we interrupted with gems like, “Don’t believe a word this guy says!” Oh, you guys didn’t do that? Me neither.

Dinner was delicious, and as for the “grown up” grilled cheese, I’m excited that that particular sandwich is finally getting it’s act together and developing into a full grown manwich, unless “grown up” is just a way of saying “really old cheese”.

The idea of dancing between each course was really bright, because it kept a communal feel to the reception, and also allowed me to immediately work off the calories I had consumed, which is of PARAMOUNT importance to me

.The toasts were heartfelt and eloquent. It’s a tough thing to stand up and tell someone you’re not romantically involved with why you like them so much, but I think all speakers knocked it out of the park. If you’d like to read more of my wedding toast reviews, page me sometime.

Then, for about 12 minutes, the power went out. Which brings the final score on blackouts to: Energy company 1, Wedding party 577. Job well done, Newell.

*Editors Note: This did happen, and for 12 minutes no one left the dance floor while the band played the longest drumset known to man. Sadly, no pictures exist…at this time*

Pete and Bailey shared cake replicas of Bernie and Bella, or so I’m told. I would have loved to have seen it, but the concept of eating dog drove Colin into a Korea Conflict flashback and I spent about a half an hour talking him out of strangling everyone.

Then, unbeknownst to me, I took ecstasy, and wound up in a different tent, this one filled with candy and music and much more unabashed dancing (probably owing to the aforementioned bar). It ended up great though, because apparently everyone else had also been dosed. It was a trip: for a second, it looked like Bailey was wearing a completely different dress.

The second tent also gave everyone the opportunity to admire the dancing skills of the happy couple: Ryan Abboushi and his sister.*Editors Note…Love these two dangertwins. Like 2 doses of happy, always*

But most importantly, it was a chance to celebrate with and offer our sincere congratulations to the new Mr. and Mrs. McCarthy. Congratulations Bailey and Pete! And I think I speak for a few of us when I say that I look forward to someday working for your children. I’m excited for you both. Wear your lifejackets.

Thanks, Will!

I think I speak for all of us when I say that Will should basically write my blog from now on. But he isn’t, so you’re SOL, and will be stuck with me tomorrow and Friday explaining some of this tom-foolery. And then I promise, that is IT on the wedding front for quite some time.