Oh, and as per a few of your comments. No I was not really drinking when I posted about it in December/Jan. I am verry verry sneaky.
December 2, 2010
My first Doctor’s appointment! Eeeeek!!! By my calculations I am almost ** weeks along. (Sorry guys, I want to keep some things-like my due date- private for now) Which is confusing since they say you should calculate your pregnancy from the first day of your last period because it is supposedly hard to pin point the conception date. Nuh uh. Not for me. I know exactly the day we conceived, but have zero clue as to when my last period was. What kind of sicko keeps track of that nonsense?
I like the office immediately. Mostly because the nurse seems super entertained by my profound spazz-tacity. I like when people like me. Plus she takes two pounds off of my weight because of the snow boots I am wearing. I think she should have taken off 6, but still, I appreciate the gesture.
The doctor comes in and is suspiciously cute for a ladyparts doctor, but I also like pretty people so I’m cool with it. She tells me I am for sure pregnant and I tell her I for sure have a kagillion questions for her. She suggests we go over some commonly asked questions in their pregnancy packet since that usually answers most issues people come in worrying about. I decide to humor her, but smile to myself thinking about how she has no idea what she’s in for.
The pregnancy packet is surprisingly informative- but is no match for my inquisitive intellect. I start off with a truly brilliant question:
“Is it ok for me to put my laptop on my tummy in bed or will that cook the baby.”
She doesn’t even look at me like I have a star-shaped head. She laughs! I knew I liked this Doctor Lady. And yes, that is ok.
“Do most people really poop in labor.”
More laughter, and then horror.
The answer is YES!!!!!!! Are you effing kidding me?? I thought that was a wives tale. A horrible story told to combat global crowding.
I don’t really listen to her answers to the rest of my questions, my mind is too blown. Then it is time for the exam. I don’t really superhate gyn exams like most people do. I get why doctors go into gyn/obstetrics and know the scary junk they must have seen during their residency to get here, so I kind of figure whatever I am working with is probably a treat in comparison. Except she looks me in the eye the whole time which I find kind of unsettling.
But not as unsettling as the news that I will have to bleed for them AND get a flu shot. I do not do needles. Like I am not proud of this, but in highschool I would wail and scream at the pediatricians office- well past the age I should even be receiving medical attention in a room with cartoon giraffe wallpaper-and eventually have to be restrained by my mortified mother and a nurse to get my back-to-school vaccines. I have tentatively elected to go with a natural birthplan not in some noble quest to protect the baby- but because I know there is no way in hell that epidural is happening. Everyone tells me that once I am in labor that will all change. But people have also been telling me since I was twelve that I would grow out of my needlephobia- as well as my love for Britney Spears- but neither has happened yet. So we shall see.
I handle the flu shot like a boss. Only one graceful tear rolls down my cheek. Going in to the lab for blood work I am a MESS. Pete tries to shame me between my texts telling him how much I hate him for getting me into this mess by reminding me this is all for the baby, and that works until the nurse puts the tourniquet on and I lose it. I give what I am pretty sure is about a gallon of blood and head out to the waiting room, hair looking kind of like I stood outside in a hurricane, knees still wobbling.
We schedule my next appointment- it’s a big one! The sonogram where we will hopefully hear the heartbeat for the first time. Right now my risk of miscarriage is about 30%, but once they can see that it is a viable uterine pregnancy with a heartbeat my risk goes down to 2%. I kind of want to take a nap and wake up to the sound of our baby’s heartbeat. Must keep occupied until then.
