You have zero clue how hard it is for a big mouth like myself to keep such a ginormous secret for so long. It was the worst. And so I would write imaginary posts to all of you and save them, dreaming of the day when we could share and care as God and the internet intended.
So today, I have for you, the first of several Past Pregnancy Posts.
Part 1: The day we find out we are pregnant
November 26, 2010
It’s the day after Thanksgiving and Pete and I have pretty much sterilized the house from last nights festivities. I didn’t really drink very much, but I just feel weird. Not to mention the boob explosion that plagued me a few weeks ago at Pete’s brothers wedding seems to be back.
I decide to make an impromtu CVS run, ostensibly to buy a few pregnancy tests- but really because I would very much enjoy a kit kat. When I get back to the house Pete is still up in the family room studying and I don’t even think to call him down.
I go to the bathroom to take the test. Nonchalantly, I leave it on the counter and go explore more pressing matters- like my kit kat. I come back to check on the test a few minutes later and just scream, “PEEEEEEEEETTTEEEEEEEEE, YOU NEED TO GET DOWN HERE!!!”.
Normally when I yell for Pete he yells back something charming like, “WHAT!?” this time, he just comes running. I am standing in the bathroom and hand him the test, “We’re pregnant”.
I start crying happy tears- I have always been what now seems to be very irrationally afraid that I wouldn’t be able to have kids- and I seriously cannot believe that as early as it is, I am pregnant.
Pete, who does not understand “happy tears”-at all-starts getting nervous and goes, “What, this is ok right? This is good, right!?!?!”
I take a few more tests, all positive. Pete takes one to be sure.
Pete is not pregnant.
I don’t know where to begin! I don’t even have a doctor in Chicago! We decide we should go to the suburbs and tell his parents. I will need his mom to get me a doctor’s appointment, plus Pete’s brother and his wife are in town and will be key in diffusing the awkwardness that will for sure go along with telling Pete’s parents.
The whole way out to the suburbs Pete and I are grinning like goobers and just keep saying, “this is so weird…”
To describe Pete’s parents as shocked would be a gigantic understatement. They seem to experience a temporary paralysis/go mute for a bit. To be fair, Pete and I did only get married two months before. And their only other child, Pete’s older brother, had been married just three weeks earlier- so it has been a big year for the McCarthy’s and I am not quite sure they have any sparkle left on reserve for this unexpected good news.
Eventually the shock wears off and merriment is had. Champagne is poured and joyfully consumed. Not by me, though. I am just now realizing that this means 9 months of not drinking and am sort of starting to panic.
Oh my God, we are having a baby.
December 1, 2010
Not drinking is weird. I don’t really feel pregnant, and we didn’t plan this so it doesn’t really feel true yet. I am over wine, and thought I was over alcohol in general. Then the idea of a margarita occurred to me and I started to cry. I can’t even remember my last exact margarita. I hope it was good. Ohh margarita, I hardly knew ye. Had I known our time together would be so short I would have really savored you.
The other tragedy that comes with the joy of pregnancy is the suspension of my long held love affair with soft cheese. I can’t even believe this is real. I am pregnant, and I am going to get fat. I have wrapped my head around that, and although calculating in my head what my weight will be if I gain the recommended 20-30 pounds makes me sort of want to chew on some celery- I simply cannot fathom how I am going to achieve such a lofty goal without my old friend soft cheese. Not cool.
Now that I have appropriately mourned the loss of two of my most cherished food stuffs- I plan to treat eating like a game. A contest to see how I can grow the cutest, healthiest, happiest baby ever. I looked up all of the SuperFoods I am supposed to eat and came up with a detailed plan for how every morsel I shove down my soon-to-be expanding tumtumtiggly is going to fuel our SuperBaby.
Also, since it is still too early to tell our friends and family, I find myself telling every check out clerk I meet. And starting random conversations with pregnant women at the grocery store. Pregnancy-so far- is not really bringing out my best qualities.