Sorry about my absence yesterday, I had a full day of Doctor’s appointments and I just couldn’t get my act together before we left.
Today I am feeling too sorry for myself to be creative, so I am just going to tell you about my trauma yesterday.
I had my biweekly BPP- which is a test they do to make sure Girly McBaby is still happy and healthy in her snug quarters. Then we met with my OB to check and see how I am progressing. GMcB looked great, and it seems like I am on track for our scheduled c-section date.
But THEN I had to go to the dermatologist.
For grossness.
On my finger. At first I was pretty horrified by what I thought was a wart on my pinkie, and decided it must be addressed before GmcB arrived. So today I had my appointment with a new derm who I have never seen. After waiting for like 45 minutes in walks the Doctor, who might also have been the author of that Tiger Mom book, trailed by a med student who looked like she was about to wet her pants/cry.
Tiger Mom asked me what was up and I described to her the situation, “Well I thought I just had a little blister on my finger so I tried to pop it, and it bled like crazy and then just exploded and got super huge…” Tiger mom cut me off and says to the med student, “I already know what this is without even looking at it. Look at it and tell me what she has.” The med student meekly examined my pinkie feather and chirps “Uhhm a hermangioma?”
Silence.
“Ok. No. She is pregnant. It is not a wart. What is it.”-TM
“OH! (In that false realization tone like, I really don’t know what the eff you are talking about but maybe if I sound like I do, you will finish my sentence for me and just tell me anyway) Uhmm, I’m sorry. I can’t remember what it’s called.”
Pause, and death glare from Tiger Mom.
“Really?”
Now I am squirming with the med student, willing her to remember, because this is getting super uncomfy.
“Uhmmm no, I’m sorry. I can’t remember.”
“Well. (another pause and a look of deep deep disappointment) It is a Pyogenic Granul-
“OMA!”- Said in unison.
Good guess med student.
Fail.
By the way, do not google pyogenic granuloma. Tis nasty. It is also known as a pregnancy tumor and is caused by an overproduction of blood vessels or something in an area where you have some sort of small cut etc. It is highly unpleasant on the eyeballs. The treatment is to lance it off, and hope it doesn’t come back.
So Docter Tiger Mom jams a numbing needle into my helpless wee little pinkie, and asks me what I am feeling.
“Sheer terror” -B
“No, what are you feeling. Can you feel this?”- Dr. TM who by her tone of voice does not find me or my pyogenic granuloma charming in the least. She wants to murder both of us.
Lots of grossness occurs. Not that I watch, but I can see it on Pete’s face whose hand I am squeezing off. And I can see it in the aftermath once I turn around.
I do poorly with needles, and blood, and pain, and had to put myself to bed with my pinkie elevated when we finally got home.
Poor Mr. Pinkie.
This leads me to believe I will not be the most dignified c-section patient.
The countdown is in the teens now. So soon!
“Ouch TM that really hurt… and it’s still hurting” -Youtube Gold
I’m so sorry you had to go through that! It drives me crazy when a doctor won’t just spit out you diagnosis. Like hello I’m gravely concerned about my personal well being over here…
Side note this story is great BC
I’m going to see Britney this weekend! I’m bringing you my stranger blogger friend with me in spirit.
I am so sorry. I just wanted to pipe in here and say I also am pregnant and I have a Pyogenic granual on my FACE! The dermatologist shaved it off but there is still this small growth that looks like a zit so the plastic surgeon is removing it on Thursday. It is super disgusting and I can feel people looking at it in conversation. Yes pregnancy is gross. But I’m glad to say that now I’ve actually heard of someone in my “condition” because all of my friends are like “what is that thing,” ” you should really get that checked out.”. Oh the shame.
so excited for you and that GMcB is doing well! get that baby outta there {safely!}!!!
In the teens! Oh my goodness! So exciting…you’re almost done with this thing called pregnancy. Get ready for awesomeness!
i’ve been following your blog for months and your stories are soooo hilarious! good luck in the next couple weeks!!
I just googled it. Big mistake. HUGE.
But I do feel sorry for your pinky and I hope it doesnt come back anytime soon.
Yeah for GMcB soon!
you will do great
that pinky surgery sounds much worse then c-sec
I had 2-one emergency and one “planned”
so I got to have anchor scars on my tummy-and that was 30 and 26 years ago.
Just breath..
You are hilarious!
Just wanted you to know that you and GMcB are still in my prayers. Let the countdown begin!
Bailey, you are hilarious. I love you about as much as a stranger who religiously reads your blog could. And I had to comment today because I myself am a medical student (well, kinda.. maybe… eh, whatever, long story) and we go through that crap EVERY single day. Dermatology is one of the hardest specialties to get into because the lifestyle is “easy” (comparatively), but that also means all the douche bag smart asshole students succeed at it (ie Dr. Tiger Mom).
So don’t you worry- your pinky will heal up fine, baby McNugget will be perfect, and that med student will never ever forget you or your pyogenic granuloma
Oh no! Well at least it’s fixed now (we hope)! When are you going to start the official blog countdown?
Laughing out loud at work… not kosher. But your “sheer terror” response really killed me. That would totally have been my answer too. I HATE needles, blood, etc. In fact, I got a little nauseous halfway through your post.
Anyway, I find you to be charming, regardless of what TM thinks. Great post.
So…I had to google. Please tell me other people do this? When you know something is going to be gross, but have to look anyway??
I hope your pinkie recovers quickly!
Sarah- Holy shit. That is a nightmare. I bet you are still beauty and its not as noticeable as you think, but that is really unfortunate.
Kristen- I TOTALLY do that. You sicko.