Sorry about my absence yesterday, I had a full day of Doctor’s appointments and I just couldn’t get my act together before we left.
Today I am feeling too sorry for myself to be creative, so I am just going to tell you about my trauma yesterday.
I had my biweekly BPP- which is a test they do to make sure Girly McBaby is still happy and healthy in her snug quarters. Then we met with my OB to check and see how I am progressing. GMcB looked great, and it seems like I am on track for our scheduled c-section date.
But THEN I had to go to the dermatologist.
On my finger. At first I was pretty horrified by what I thought was a wart on my pinkie, and decided it must be addressed before GmcB arrived. So today I had my appointment with a new derm who I have never seen. After waiting for like 45 minutes in walks the Doctor, who might also have been the author of that Tiger Mom book, trailed by a med student who looked like she was about to wet her pants/cry.
Tiger Mom asked me what was up and I described to her the situation, “Well I thought I just had a little blister on my finger so I tried to pop it, and it bled like crazy and then just exploded and got super huge…” Tiger mom cut me off and says to the med student, “I already know what this is without even looking at it. Look at it and tell me what she has.” The med student meekly examined my pinkie feather and chirps “Uhhm a hermangioma?”
“Ok. No. She is pregnant. It is not a wart. What is it.”-TM
“OH! (In that false realization tone like, I really don’t know what the eff you are talking about but maybe if I sound like I do, you will finish my sentence for me and just tell me anyway) Uhmm, I’m sorry. I can’t remember what it’s called.”
Pause, and death glare from Tiger Mom.
Now I am squirming with the med student, willing her to remember, because this is getting super uncomfy.
“Uhmmm no, I’m sorry. I can’t remember.”
“Well. (another pause and a look of deep deep disappointment) It is a Pyogenic Granul-
“OMA!”- Said in unison.
Good guess med student.
By the way, do not google pyogenic granuloma. Tis nasty. It is also known as a pregnancy tumor and is caused by an overproduction of blood vessels or something in an area where you have some sort of small cut etc. It is highly unpleasant on the eyeballs. The treatment is to lance it off, and hope it doesn’t come back.
So Docter Tiger Mom jams a numbing needle into my helpless wee little pinkie, and asks me what I am feeling.
“Sheer terror” -B
“No, what are you feeling. Can you feel this?”- Dr. TM who by her tone of voice does not find me or my pyogenic granuloma charming in the least. She wants to murder both of us.
Lots of grossness occurs. Not that I watch, but I can see it on Pete’s face whose hand I am squeezing off. And I can see it in the aftermath once I turn around.
I do poorly with needles, and blood, and pain, and had to put myself to bed with my pinkie elevated when we finally got home.
This leads me to believe I will not be the most dignified c-section patient.
The countdown is in the teens now. So soon!