A chat kiki.
I often receive emails from readers asking about my college major and how I transitioned that into my current career in design. I majored in American Studies. Which in many ways is completely useless professionally unless you are a professional dinner party partner; you do learn some interesting facts and anecdotes. I absolutely loved it though, and while it might not have directly led me to my current work, it was useful in honing my writing skills and developing a broad perspective to how different cultural, historical, and political elements converge. And so, I am excited to dust off my skillz to start a little discussion over here at Peppermint Bliss this week.
I have recently been thinking a lot about parenting, working, marriage, the economy, and societal norms surrounding these things. When I was traveling to our mill a few weeks ago I was able to finally meet Jamie Meares after many years of looking up to her and developing an internet friendship through our shared love of a colorful interior. Over a beverage we talked about lots of things, and a bit about female ambition and women owned businesses.
For instance did you know that:
- U.S. Companies owned by women generate $1.3 trillion in revenue and employ 7.7 million people. But they lag when it comes to the million-dollar club: Just 1.8 percent of women-owned companies hit that mark vs. 6.3 percent on the male side. 1.6 million female-owned companies have annual revenue of more than $50,000.
- “190 heads of state—nine are women. Of all the people in parliament in the world, 13 percent are women. In the corporate sector, women at the top, C-level jobs, board seats—tops out at 15, 16 percent”-Sheryl Sandberg
- “Consider that 17% of women-owned business owners don’t have employees- a major influence on why they can’t increase revenue, Merlino says, citing U.S. census statistics”
- “Consider that women entrepreneurs are the fastest-growing group of small-business owners. What’s more, women own nearly a third of all businesses (29 percent), but they bring in only 4 percent of all U.S. revenue and 6 percent of all U.S. jobs”
This last point, if not any of the others, is why we should all care about this. There is a huge potential with women here to be a larger, positive force in the economy. I mentioned in my post on visiting our mill that I had become more motivated to succeed with Biscuit after seeing the tangible affect of manufacturing- or not manufacturing- in the United States. These realizations have expanded our goals for Biscuit.
As with all things in life now, I can’t think about any of this without simultaneously relating it back to my role as a mother, especially the mother of a baby girl. I have received some generous praise from readers for my seeming ability to do it all, starting Biscuit while also raising Grace. And while I very much appreciate that kindness, I don’t think I have been as transparent as perhaps I have a duty to be about what that reality actually looks like. Spoiler Alert: I have help. But it is still a hard balance. Sometimes the balance is a disaster and I cry, and sometimes I feel Beyonce-level badass.
One of my most powerful motivators in starting Biscuit has been Grace. I want her to be proud of me, I want her to see how fulfilling hard work and dreams can be. We have some unique personal circumstances Grace will have to process in life, I don’t want her to be burdened with guilt. I want her to feel comfortable with who she is and the life she was born in to. I have come to believe that the best way for me to give that to her is to work as hard as I can to be worthy of the blessings in my life, so that she will hopefully have an innate understanding that what she has is only as good as what she can do with it for others; And that will be empowering to her.
I have put an enormous amount of time and considered thought into this. I feel strong in my convictions and motivations, but that doesn’t make it easy to spend time away from Grace. There are certain tools and behaviors I have learned in the past few months to make me more successful at it, but again I am plagued by a great deal of guilt and anxiety about being away from her and what the consequences of my decisions may be.
I recalled an article I had read awhile back about female ambition, and re-read it. I talked to Jamie, and my business partners, and other women in my life and they recommended articles that I then read as well. Articles on having it all, parenting, traits of successful female business leaders, female ambition, and gender roles in our society. Here are some of the best, your recommended reading for our discussion. Please feel free to direct me to other great articles in the comments, I would love to know what you are reading on the matter.
Required Reading:
The Scarlet A, Why Women Still Can’t Have it All, Sheryl Sandberg’s TED Talk, My Advice To New Moms: Anything But Babywise, and 10 Traits of Women Business Leaders.
So what do I want to do here?
I want to talk about it. I want to talk about the experience of being a woman, working out of and in the home. I want to talk about female ambition, and the disparity between male and female roles. I want to talk about women in business. Although I will be citing some of the articles that I found particularly insightful, I know I am really only qualified to talk about my experience. And I want to hear from all of you, about your experiences.
Tomorrow I will be posting on women in business, ambition, and Sheryl Sandbergs claim that one of the three essential tools for women to succeed in their careers is to make your partner a real partner and work to even out gender discrimination in the workplace, and at home. Wednesday I want to talk about what we can do to improve the situation, and what has worked-and not worked- for me so far, as well as the advice I have taken from others. Then Thursday I am debating going HAM on some haters…but we will see where the discussion goes and if that is even necessary.
Whether or not I address that issue, I will say I whole heartedly believe that as many complicated social, historical, and political factors are at play here, the solutions we seek live within us. Sound cheesy enough? It is true. We have to support each other, no matter where we stand on the issues, regardless of whether we spend our days in an office or in the home, We’s a Team, Ladies.
As Ms. Tina herself put it, “You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores.” We have to stop deriding each other for our choices, and work together to improve the choices we have and our chances for success in whatever path we choose to pursue.
Who’s with me?
So inspirational! I am so excited that you are talking about this topic. What a coincidence that Jess from Make Under Your Life posted about something similar today! http://jesslively.com/intentional-careers/
Going to tweet about this tomorrow – it’s true, we need to be talking about this more. as someone who owns a company that builds companies for OTHERS, i’ve seen firsthand how winwin this can be.
I really love what you wrote about teaching your daughter to follow her dreams, and especially the part about using your blessings to the fullest to help others. And trust me, I could not be more excited about Biscuit. However, I felt a little sad when you said that you didn’t want to burden Gracie with guilt. My mom has never worked a day in my life, and I can even remember as a child feeling so lucky that she was always there for me in some ways that I knew other moms were not. I know that she gave up a lot to be a full-time mom, and now that I am an adult, I see THAT as the ultimate example she could have set for me… I don’t feel guilty that my mom stayed home with me, I feel incredibly blessed and that I definitely “had it all.” You are obviously a great mom and Gracie is one lucky little baby. Just wanted to offer a different perspective!
Hi Lauren- Thanks for offering that perspective, and in such a beautiful and constructive way. I was not referring to burdening her with guilt because I stayed at home, I was trying to address without really going into our financial situation and the guilt I have personally felt in my life for having something I hadn’t earned. I don’t want Gracie to feel that way, I want her to see that I have been productive with the opportunities I have been given and for that example to inspire her.
And your mom obviously did a wonderful job with you, thank you for contributing to the discussion.
WELL PUT, *APPLAUSE.
I’m a huge believer of keeping the positive people around me and women that inspire and support me and my endeavors…I do the same in return, because I know how powerful a support system can be. I haven’t YET taken on the challenge of motherhood and business…but I am a wife, daughter, sister while balancing working for a family business, my own free lance business AND grad school. I often need friends to remind me that I AM all those things, because at the breaking point you easily forget why it is you are actually breaking down. We need to keep our heads up and with the help of a glass of wine every once in a while breath and realize there are great women out there that are doing wonderful things and we are all in the same boat, so we should hold our glasses up and CHEERS to that!
http://see-fresh.com/see_fresh/See_Fresh_Design.html
Well I have lots of thoughts on all of this. But they are best discussed with a beverage. I felt it was easier to work when the kids were smaller. Or maybe I have forgotten. Ha. Now that they are school aged I struggle. I have so many new business ideas, creativity wanting to escape and more ambition than I have energy. However, I really want to be the person who picks Livi and Reeve up everyday from school. It’s in those minutes that I here the truth about their days, the excitement in their eyes, or the struggles they faced. I still work, I just limit the projects so that they can fit in my little window.
My biggest piece of advice is to not forget to take care of yourself. And I mean forget ~ literally. <3
Well SAID! I love that you’re bringing up this topic—-It’s so seldom that women talk about ambition and our struggles/triumphs at home and in the workplace. My mom was one of those “supermoms” like you who had a big time career and was still home everynight cooking us dinner. She had help too, but I think it only made her a better mother. You’re doing a great thing for Gracie. I never feel like I “missed-out” by not having my mom stay home. If anything, her success empowered me to pursue a career and dreams of my own. Can’t wait for the discussion time this week!
I love this and am excited for the discussion this week! Okay, bye now… I have some reading to do.
So glad you’re thinking and talking about this. It’s long been a passion of mine and I’m truly fascinated with how women choose to navigate having a career and being mothers. My favorite class in college was about this exact topic and we read a book (written by my professor) that I have given as a present to my mom and multiple friends, and I think you’d be into it. Here’s the link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0674018168. It’s an incredible interesting book and it argues that women *can* work and be mothers, though it provides some really stunning facts about how you might get there and obstacles you might face.
Also, my mom (and my dad, too) is a doctor and thus was gone a fair amount when I was little. I didn’t love my parents any less for it, I think I turned out independent and perfectly fine in spite (or as a result) of them working so hard all the time, and I had awesome babysitters and for to spend tons of time with my brothers! I know it’s hard to be away from Grace, but don’t be too hard on yourself!
I’m looking forward to this week.
I think one important thing we have to do is talk about how we accomplish what we’ve accomplished in business, so will share this story. For the last job I got, before I went out on my own (I’m 3 years into my successful business), I received an offer over the phone. The person told me the salary & I asked for the weekend to consider it. I called on Monday and countered with a hire salary. He said “but that’s not what I offered.” I said “but that’s what I’m worth.” And then, I said nothing. It was hard, but I just let that hang in the air. And then he accepted my counter-offer. It was incredibly empowering, and it was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do in a professional setting. So worth it, though, especially knowing how often men ask for & get higher salaries that women could have gotten but for remaining silent.
I encourage you to consider how you can empower and mentor your employees at Biscuit. Help train them for better, higher-paying work than what you can give them – help them see themselves as people who could start businesses, and teach them how to be smart, ethical, and compassionate. There are some great women business owner role models here in H-town. I’ll raise a toast (sorry, it is hot tea b/c it is just 5 am!) to your success!
I think that a fairly obvious reason that women can’t consecrate 100% of their time and energy to work is that fact that they feel a greater responsibility for their family. If you want to boost their productivity, then we have to find ways to support families, financially and with structures that make their lives easier. I sincerely think that one of the best ways to boost the contribution of women in our economy would be to provide a system of universal childcare available to all children, either a payment to all parents to cover childcare or tax credits or actual government run daycare centers with enough spots for all children under school age so that women can keep working full time without it being a burden on the family. Also, for older children, all schools need to have easily accessible afterschool programs so that moms can pick up their kids at the end of the work day. The fact that so many women are motivated to start their own businesses shows that the problem is not a lack of confidence or desire for a career.
Love the post Bailey, very inspiring. I’m a doctor, most of my bosses are men, looking to change things! Can’t wait to read all about it!
Really glad you are talking about this. I own my own business and have 2 kids and a 3rd on the way. My group of mommy friends used to be split down the middle, working vs SAHM. It’s quickly changing to mostly SAHM’s. This doesnt really affect my choice to be a working mom but it does add to the amount of criticism I hear and feel from some of those SAHM’s. I think this article explains how I feel about it best: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/mommy-wars_b_1210602.html
I choose to work and run my own business although our financial situation would allow me to stay home. I love my job and it is truly fulfilling and rewarding.
I also love being a mom and I dont really think I am trading one for the other. Dont get me wrong, there are days when I feel I have failed at the mothering and or the work part but for the most part I think the balance is there. Interested to see what the discussions bring this week.
Awesome! So glad to hear about your substance behind the (obviously wonderful) fluffy interiors. I agree with you about the importance of working hard & following your passions.
I am looking forward to the discussion this week!
Bailey! Great topic. A bit more than the pretty pictures I was expecting with my morning coffee
but also as life always does this exactly what I needed to hear and start thinking about.
I bought my first business when pregnant with my first child and the crystal clear thought in my head was “I need to do this to inspire my children”. Now 9 years – three businesses and three kids total – I just sold the last one to stay home more.
Both choices were correct dont misunderstand me – I am so glad I did both things. Times changed, kids needs changed and also I got burned out on my business.
So now – after 6 months off – I am working on what is next in business for me and finding myself a bit afraid to dive in which shocks me but your articles and this topic are probably going to guide me as I think all of this through!
Also – we didn’t grow up with money but live in a very affluent area and I think you are wise to be considering how your economic status effects grace. Coming from money or poverty has an effect and I think in both situations it is key that we give our kids the perspective on money, work , abundance that we want them to have.
Lisa
what a timely post! i’m have an 8-month-old boy and just started going back to work, only 2 days a week. so this topic is something i’ve been thinking a lot about lately, as the decision to go back to work was totally mine (not a financial necessity) so it was something i went back and forth about. i recently read “Bringing Up Bebe” by Pamela Druckerman, which i’m sure you’ve heard of. one interesting concept in her book is that most french mothers do work (after a year off and wonderful government-funded childcare available after that). but a main reason behind the return to work is, and this sounds harsh – what value does the woman contribute to society if she’s just staying home? i absolutely don’t agree with that. raising my son is undoubtedly the most important and wonderful thing i’ll ever do with my life and i do see that as a contribution to society. but i do understand what she means. my mother never went back to work after having my sister and i. but once we were past the baby/toddler stage and in school she always volunteered, becoming more and more involved in different organizations as we got older. that set the example for my sister and i that A. it’s important to be involved in your community, and that B. it’s important for a mom to have a life outside the home and do something mentally fulfilling besides raising children. i know a job or volunteering doesn’t work for every mom out there, but i do think moms have a responsibility to set an example for their kids that there is more to them than being a mother. whether you work, volunteer, learn another language, go back to school, play a sport, or just try to stay very informed on current events…you owe it to yourself and your kids to have a piece of your life that’s not entirely about them. but that “piece” should be something that betters you and your life and your mind and hopefully the world around you. in my decision to go back to work, i felt like i had spent 29 years working on ME. i had a great education and had been working on my career for 8 years, then it all stopped. and i was ok with that, i couldn’t imagine going back to work for those first 8 months. but then i just felt ready to get back into it, a little bit. maybe i’ll get back into it more in the years to come. maybe i’ll have another baby and stop working again and then ease back into it. this comment is getting way too long, but thanks for today’s post and i’m looking forward to reading some of the things you linked to!
Do you read Penelope Trunk’s blog? If not, you really really should. She writes extensively about working women/mothers – her opinions are not always popular, but as a working mama in the corporate world, I usually 100% agree with her feedback. http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/
(tried to post once, but it didn’t work…sorry if you see this twice)
Bailey,
This was a really, really wonderful post. I can relate to your thoughts on so many levels, both on feeling like you need to give back and make the most of all of the opportunities you were given and your thoughts on setting an example to Grace.
My mother was a SAHM for several years when I was growing up, but she went back to work when I was about 10. As a working mother, she was always sharing her struggles and triumphs with me while they were happening, and she was always honest about what it was like to be a woman in the workforce. Looking back, I am so happy that she was upfront with me about her career challenges because I feel like I am better equipped to make the most of my own career. Not only that but hearing her struggles has made me feel like I have a duty to champion other women who face the same challenges because it isn’t a struggle that has been unique to my mom or me, but it’s something that effects all of us. The greatest thing we can do is to set an example for our daughters and for each other.
It sounds to me like you like Grace has a wonderful role model, and I’m looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts on the topic this week!
Do you read Penelope Trunk’s blog? If not you really really sh
Bailey,
Thank you so much for addressing this important issue. As a law student I have thought a lot about whether or not I can really take on the role of fierce attorney lady and mommy some day. My boyfriend and I are both in law school and have had many discussions about the future and what it will look like if we do decide to have kids (something I have wanted for as long as I can remember). The struggle has always been if its worth me taking on like a gajillion dollars in debt to become a lawyer (I have also wanted to be an adoption lawyer or something equally as rewarding and exciting for as long as I can remember) if I’m also going to have to take time off in the future, possibly for years at a time. My answer has always been an outwardly strong I CAN DO THIS, but an inward, what if, what if I take on this debt have kids and don’t want to do my part to pay off said debt any longer, what if I can’t go back to work because I just can’t leave my kids, and I can’t imagine how guilty I’ll feel if I do. I’m very excited to hear your input on this issue and look forward to hearing others’ as well! Thank you Bailey!
Thanks for bringing up this super important issue. I read this article a few months back- it definitely speaks to some of what you are talking about here: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/
I would love to hear your thoughts on what she brings up here.
you get it girl!!!
Awesome post. We love you for your hilarious, laugh-out-loud commentary every morning…but I really appreciate your honesty here. I’m in my early 30′s and mother to 3 kids under 5. Like many moms, my world was turned upside down after my first child was born. I wanted a career, but I wanted to be around my kids too. With an MBA in one hand and babies in another…I was trying to figure out how these 2 things worked together. Fast forward 5 years, I don’t have my dream job but I do have one that’s challenging, flexible and with great people. I spend A LOT of time trying to figure out when I’ll have energy/time for my next career move, and so much of it relates to the ideas you just mentioned.
To say the very least, I’m loving this idea of yours. Keep up the great work Bailey! Your Husband and Daughter are SO proud
Love this post. Love it.
I am a wife and mother of two and also have a full time career. I think any path you take, you will have the guilt and “what ifs” associated with being either a stay at home mom or a working mom. Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. I agree that working and raising children is hard, but I do still truly believe that you can have it all. It won’t be easy, but it is possible. I remember my Dad telling me when I was nearing the end of high school that “Because you are a woman, you will have to work twice as hard as anyone else to be successful. It’s not fair, but that’s the way it is.” Honestly, after 10 years in the workforce, I can say that he was right. I get up early and work my ass off so I can be home to cook dinner for my family, and spend time with my kids. I am ambitious. I want more than I had as a child and I want more for my children. I will work hard to be a strong example for them, but if there is a time when I need to be home more than work, I will make that sacrifice.
Thanks for posting this! I love love love discussions like this!
I love this post! It’s something I have thought about a lot recently and discussed with my friends. I am an attorney and it’s a tough field for women to succeed because it’s often long long hours and a lot of “face time.” I have been trying to meet with other female attorneys in my area and hear their thoughts on how they have a balance. It is difficult, because the typical way to be promoted is to work more, more, more. I am not opposed to hard work, but I wonder how that model will play out once I am a mom too. I think it’s important for women to recognize the hurdles we are bound to face and to do our best to change what we can, but also to do what is the best for us, our families and careers. Excited to read more posts/comments on these issues the rest of the week!
Wow. Not what I was expecting. At all. But def. food for thought. My mama is the single coolest owner/business lady I know. She is also the best mama in the world. I’m so prod of her. Gracie will feel the same way about you. Excited for the week.
i will echo the previous comments and say kudos for broaching this topic and i’m really intrigued by some of the facts and figures you shared. i wonder how many of the women who own the businesses that are not impacting US revenue & jobs are mothers or future mothers who consciously made the decision to work out of the home so they could be with their children more. i’m sure that owning a work-from-home business takes a ton of time and dedication, but it also allows for flexibility unlike a typical 9-5 (or let’s be honest and say 8-6ish) office job does. i would also be curious to know how many of those businesses succeed or are in existence 1 year later. 5 years? i love the surge in entrepreneurship, but it almost seems trendy to start a business these days, especially in wedding planning and curated online shops. a lot of the start-ups that i’ve seen succeed have teams that includes experienced business partners, founders with business degrees, formal business plans, and/or a truly unique product offering. obviously you don’t need all or even any of those things to succeed, but i wonder how business-savvy some of these new biz owners are and if they would be able to take a chance like that if they didn’t have a partner that had a steady flow of income to fall back on.
Bailey-Awesomeness, scary and totally true though. I was thinking about this a few weeks ago, I too am a mamma, our son Graham (aka-G money) was born right around Gracie Girl and I have been a reader since your wedding way back in the day :
I was thinking about how to start a company for part-time mom’s. Like a head-hunter type firm. There are SO many talented mamma’s that want to work and keep their brains in the corporate ladder and stay active while raising their little ones and it seems like retail is the only part time gig. Why can’t lawyers or Dr.’s do their jobs part time to fill in? Or why can’t more people work as a team? So yes, I’m totally on board with this discussion.
You are right, it’s not easy and there is guilt. Guilt if you’re home and not out using your skillzzzz, and guilt if your’e away from your little sugar cube for too long.
I am a landscape designer with dual masters degrees and although I have a flexible job (ie-I can get G if I need to leave, come in and go when he’s sick, etc.) I still have the long hours and sometimes weekends working. It’s hard, I love what I do but I love being a mom too.
Keep it up, we’re all in the same ship! Row, row, row your boat.
Amy
You are awesome! You and Pete are both doing big things and it has been inspirational to follow along. Looking forward to reading all week.
sweatshirt-weather.blogspot.com
LOVE THIS! I feel strongly about women in business and totally agree with most of what the ladies above have said. It’s such a catch 22.
I watched “How does she do it? this weekend and totally could relate to SJP’s character. She wants this awesome job & can have it, but it doesn’t come without sacrifice, & it’s sacrificing her family. A job will hardly ever ask you to sacrifice your food choices or your wardrobe, but it can constantly ask you to sacrifice your family.
It’s one of those big life decisions…do you want your career or your job? Yes, you can have both…but can you have both and they both be fulfilling????
Can’t wait for this week!!!
This article speaks to your post. http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2012/09/23/why-women-should-stop-trying-to-be-perfect.html?fb_action_ids=10100193082707514&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_ref=article&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map={“10100193082707514″:106313562859602}&action_type_map={“10100193082707514″:”og.likes”}&action_ref_map={“10100193082707514″:”article”}
Bailey thanks for the great read, you have some great insight and while not a mother, but plan to be a working mother eventually, its nice reading about the potential roadblocks ahead! I think you are about to embark on a fantastic journey with Biscuit so enjoy the ride!! P.S oddly enough another good article on working mothers posted today!http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/10/marissa-mayer-yahoo-ceo.html
There was a recent artcile written on thedailybeast.com that speaks well to your post. ‘Why women should stop trying to be perfect.’ My biggest take away–women should help each other more.
Oh my gosh, I have so many thoughts on this topic, too! I read both the Huff Post article and the Atlantic articles referenced, in addition to reading Penelope Trunk’s article and several of the items you sourced (and some more beyond that). For me, the single biggest changes that would help women work and achieve more in business is:
1) make the school day match the work day
2) provide a tax benefit that is actually commensurate with the real-world cost of full-time daycare, rather than the paltry $5000 max per family (insane, no quality, full-time daycare in this country can be had for $5000 per year for one child, let alone multiple children)
3) Women supporting each other, regardless of the choices we make for our families–how can we expect to be taken seriously in the business world if we are busy tearing each other down about PTA volunteering and SAHM vs. work?!
From the time I was young, I have always been a go-getter career person. I have also always wanted to be a mother. When I was in college, I assumed that I would go do the big career thing, tackle everything make millions, rule over the corporate world and then think about having kids when I approached 40. As it turned out, my husband and I ended up much like you–being blessed with a beautiful daughter immediately and by no specific “plan” of our own at the young age of 26.
Baby #2 followed a couple years later, because once we had one, it’s a much easier decision to add another, haha. Through both, I took maternity leave (8 weeks and 12 weeks) continued working full-time, eager and careerist as ever….but I had a (male) boss that told me that post-baby #2, I was not the “star” careerist I had been, pre-baby and that he wished there were a good way for women to “hit pause” on their careers while they had babies and little kids and then resume “play” again later. While this might sound “sensitive” at first read, I assure you it was quite demeaning and can you even imagine a man saying that to another man in the same situation?! Absurd! Needless to say this did not sit well so I promptly found myself a new job with a female boss, who was much more of a supporter of those of us who wanted to [try to] do it all.
I now have baby #3, still work full-time, and have added owning my own business on the side to that. Though I did consider staying home after #2 and again #3, I’ve always gone back because I do love my work and what it allows me…and what it teaches my children. They see me work hard about something that I care about. As well, to live financially the way we choose, my working provides that ability. I do feel sometimes that I “ought” to be home full-time, especially because the baby years go by so quickly. But the deep truth is that I think I am a better mother working, than I would be SAHM. I need the mental break, creativity, and stimulation that work/business provide. I need work to appreciate my kids, and I need my kids to appreciate my work! But the juggle can definitely be tough, and it takes a lot of finessing to make it happen–great daycare/home help, support from family/friends, involved partner, lots of patience. We actually moved from a place we loved, in order to be closer to family that could help out so that both my husband and I can “do it all.” And there are still days when I feel like I am failing on every front….usually when that happens, I realize I need to sit back and look at what I am involved in, because it’s probably too much. Something has to give.
Though I have to say that with my personal business, I do find myself kind of laying-up about what my goals are…your post made me own up to that and re-think what I want it to be, regardless of my role as a mother. Because how many men own a business and caveat their growth/success with, “well if it fits into school hours.” I so look forward to the discussion this week.
Hi Bailey. I’ve followed your blog for a long time but never posted. I’m not a design junkie, but rather someone who enjoys good writing and a fresh take. That said, balancing work, marriage and motherhood is definitely something I can relate to. I’m excited to see you tackling this topic publicly — I have occasionally thought, wow, Bailey lives the dream. It’s great to see that maybe I’m not such a slacker — everyone has these struggles.
Also, you touched upon something that I really admire about you. It’s obvious you have a privileged life in many ways — and yet, it’s equally obvious that it doesn’t define you. Everyone is blessed with something — financial stability, good looks, lots of talent — congrats to you for taking what you were given and being productive with it. You’re not just sitting back and enjoying the ride, but creating jobs and opportunities for others. So keep up the good work — can’t wait to see what you come up with next.
This article resonates with me a ton! I’m not a Mom (yet) but that is something I pray is in my future. In today’s corporate America, the mom who can do it all at home and run a company too is far too rare. Currently I’m applying for business school with the hopes of giving it a shot. The fearful “what if’s” keep me up every night. What if I want to stop working after I have kids? What will happen to my grad school debt? Am I sure this will be worth the cost?
I remind myself that fear won’t get me anywhere. Societal change is gradual – Our generation has to work to inspire the next. Our sons must respect their female classmates and coworkers; our daughters must never shy away from thinking bravely.
I’ll do my homework and be ready for the discussions this week, I can’t wait!
Allow me to properly introduce myself: Bailey, I’m Emily. I’ve followed your blog since you and I both lived in Lincoln Park. I was inspired by your wedding on SMP as I was planning my own. And I moved to Texas shortly after you did. I promise I’m not a stalker. But basically we’re cosmically bonded.
I loved this post. I’m an ER doctor in the military. Which is basically the boy’s club to end all boy’s clubs. But this comment is not about boys vs. girls. So I digress.
I don’t have any babies yet. Emphasis on the yet. I know I want to have kids at some point. Preferably after I finish my residency training. Then I owe the military four years of Active Duty Service. After which time, I will probably begin working part-time. Hopefully to spend more time with my children. (who will hopefully exist by that point)
I struggle with this plan all the time. I’ve spent four years of undergrad, four years in med school, am halfway through three years of residency, and will spend four years in full-time Active Duty service as a military physician…all to be able to have a part-time job? Yet at the same time, I couldn’t imagine working full-time and having my children be raised by someone else. This is not to say that I’m opposed to having help…quite the opposite. I WELCOME the help.
I feel like I’m getting off track. My point is this: I love that you’re introducing this topic of discussion here in your space. I’m loving reading through all the comments from women that are obviously pretty widespread on where they land on the SAHM-Working Mom spectrum, yet all agree with the need for greater awareness and discourse about all this.
Kudos to you. Grace is lucky to have a mom who lives such a well-examined life.
As I did my morning meandering around the net I decided to clean house in my bookmark folders. I paused when I came to my folder of blogs I read(I am somewhat technically challenged and don’t subscribe,just click and read). I deleted all but five because of my work schedule-yours stayed because I love your outlook. Biscuit inspires me! My heart was bursting with pride when I read how passionate you are about manufacturing in the USA. YAY! As women the work has gotta be GOOD to put home “on hold”. The juggling we do as women is beautiful-we are so determined,failure doesn’t stop us. We calculate how to do it better next time…At this time my days are full with keeping up with my 11 year old’s academics, my household, and a business in its infancy. I spent the morning looking into certifications for women-owned businesses. I watched the TED talk and will read the other reccomendations. Thank you for opening this discussion-we need it!
Thank you for sharing your experience — and for starting this discussion! You’re inspirational, Bailey! This issue is close to my heart and really should be for all women.
totally with you! excited for the week.
my 2 cents:
Good lookin out, yo! Great way to open up the conversation, especially when so many of your readers are likely working mamas. It’s nice to read that you seem to have a good head on your shoulders, considering that so many children of privilege lead basically wasted lives. Damn it! It’d be a lot easier to dislike you and just brush off your talent if you actually were vapid, but you seem like a real good egg and quite the character. Way to hold it down for the Little G, too. Good luck with Biscuit. You’ll do well, so long as you keep paying it forward.
Great post – thank you for fostering this important conversation!
Disappointing that a design focused blog chooses to “go there”. With that said you do have a voice and you are great at getting your points out there. However, again…the mommy wars are waged. There simply is NO REPLACEMENT for at home mothering. Just my opinion. You bring up great points. But something has to give, and it always does. No nanny/fancy daycare can do what a mommy does, and contrary to what anyone believes who leaves their children in institutionalized care…NO daycare worker (educated or not) responds to a child the same way a mother does. There is a greater choice, and it involves sacrifice. More power to the working moms, but I just don’t agree with it.
Thank heavens you’re not just a pretty face;) LOVE intellectual discussions. As a work-from-home-business-owner-mother I don’t get to indulge in many of these.
Fantastic articles! I’ve never been asked if i’m ambitious, but I won’t hesitate to say that I’m DETERMINED. I’m determined to make it work, whatever that means to me and my family.
Things won’t change until we start DEMANDING they change. We need not only female political leaders, but more female business owners. I want to own a business that focuses on families, whatever they look like or consist of, a business that is tolerant and sensitive to their needs.
I have struggled being a working mom, a SAHM mom, and a mom who “does it all”, even with a wonderful and supportive husband who does his share of the work. Even when things are tough I am SO greateful to have had choices, to still have choices. So many mothers don’t, and I pray for them. We should support ALL mothers, no matter their situation.
Which brings me to Annie…thanks for the “empowerment”, Sister. Perhaps the reason the Mommy War still continues is because people like yourself don’t realize that just because an opinion is had, means that it should be expressed in any situation. Every mother, no matter their age, race, social/economic status, job position or lack thereof, has felt guilt over their performance as a mom. Why can’t we just encourage each other no matter what? Why do some only encourage what they feel is the correct way of parenting? None of these wonderful women that already commented said that childcare could be a replacement for them. Your opinion just rubs salt in the wound. They are (as many of us) already conflicted about their choices. Why are you making it harder? Just say, “Good for you! I hope whatever you and your family needs is working out.”
Our choices may always be tough, but our situations can get better – ONLY if we present a united front.
Men say we’re the “weaker” sex, but why can’t we use our “weaknesses” to our advantage? I’d rather work for a woman who is sensitive to the needs of her employees, who usues her position and company to give back to her community (which happens at a greater rate than male owned companies). When a man is educated, it helps him and his family. When you educate and EMPOWER a woman, you’re helping her, her family, AND her community.
Hi Bailey!! Wonderful post!
I work for my family’s business in an industry (collision repair) that is 99% male. I am constantly battling the fact that because I’m a girl, people think I don’t know what I’m talking about. And to compound matters I’m a girlie-girl, so they REALLY think I don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s very frustrating, and I work hard to not let it impact my job performance. That being said, I understand the guilt complex. While I have some respect for being 3rd generation in a family that has been very involved in our industry on a national level, most people question if I have earned that respect as opposed to riding on other people’s coat tails. With all this I feel like I have to work 5X as hard to prove myself and to show that I’m not taking my circumstances for granted.
There is a women’s conference for my industry that focuses specifically on addressing some of these issues and nurturing ladies who are new to the business. It’s a great source of encouragement.
On another note: I’m in my late 20s and I don’t think I could see myself ever not working or being a stay-at-home mom. I have been in school and working multiple jobs (until recently) for too long. I’m also single, so my tune on the subject may change someday? That being said, my mom was one and it was SO wonderful. She always came on field trips and never missed a soccer game or school play. I value her highly because of that.
Hi Bailey!! Wonderful post!
I work for my family’s business in an industry (collision repair) that is 99% male. I am constantly battling the fact that because I’m a girl, people think I don’t know what I’m talking about. And to compound matters I’m a girlie-girl, so they REALLY think I don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s very frustrating, and I work hard to not let it impact my job performance. That being said, I understand the guilt complex. While I have some respect for being 3rd generation in a family that has been very involved in our industry on a national level, most people question if I have earned that respect as opposed to riding on other people’s coat tails. With all this I feel like I have to work 5X as hard to prove myself and to show that I’m not taking my circumstances for granted.
There is a women’s conference for my industry that focuses specifically on addressing some of these issues and nurturing ladies who are new to the business. It’s a great source of encouragement.
On another note: I’m in my late 20s and I don’t think I could see myself ever not working or being a stay-at-home mom. I’ve spent too much time in school and working multiple jobs (until recently) to not work. I’m also single, so my tune on the subject may change someday? That being said, my mom was one and it was SO wonderful. She always came on field trips and never missed a soccer game or school play. I value her highly because of that.